Personal Background

 

The “Normal” Part

My life has been an odyssey through a spectrum of diverse experiences, for example going from 8th grade nerdy honor roll student to high school dropout leaving home at 16, a “wild child” of the 70’s.

 

By 18, my self-identity was defined by the label “permanently handicapped”. My health had always been a steadily worsening daily life challenge, starting with my 6th birthday spent hospitalized with asthma. Over the years, my many ailments included an “ulcer” at 11 that was relabeled a “hiatus hernia” at 22, then “severe gastro-esophageal acid reflux disorder” at 32 – ever longer name, same problem. At 12 it was a collapsed lung and spiritual belief-shaping near-death experience. At 14, the doctors told me I had emphysema. The hospital was like a second home for me.

 

One particular life-shaping experience taught me that everything is relative and nothing is impossible. At 10, the asthma had led to a 4 month stay in an institution for sick children. In my home and school life, I was always the sickest child, but here I was the healthiest and most able-bodied! I had all my arms and legs and could walk and talk, unlike many of the other children who lived there for years to undergo series of surgeries or treatment for rare diseases. Some even lived in the institution for their entire lives due to the results of being “Thalidomide children.” It was here that my activist side first surfaced, when the plight of the permanent wards prompted me to organize a protest march (the thing to do in 1971) to get what I considered wrongfully limiting rules changed. By the time I left, the kids were granted the radical rights to sit where and with whom they chose for meals in the dining room, and to decorate their recreation rooms themselves!

 

At 20, I became a step-parent, blessed with two step-kids, ages 5 and 6, for Christmas. (I went to my first parent-teacher interview 3 weeks after my 20th birthday!)  Eighteen months later I had my own child and within a year my partner moved his towing business into our home. (For 3 ½ years I answered the business phone and dispatched the drivers 24/7/364 because we only closed Christmas Day.) For 6 years, I actively participated in the children’s schools, as PTA Rep and in other roles, and also as Co-op Pre-school Orientation Parent. (For this I gave the parents of 60 families 10 hours training each, and created more than 60 parent portfolios with about 50 pages of information, policies, regulations etc mandated by the Pre-school Assn.) Amidst all that I even managed to design and hand sew 5 intricate Halloween costumes every year. Multiplicity does have its benefits!

 

From 27 on, I was a single Mom to my one child. I upgraded my high school education, then at 30 obtained a Certificate in Social Work. This was meant to be the first step to a Masters in Psychology with a Social Policy Minor. Instead I discovered my entire life was full of abuse, and began what turned out to be a 17 year healing journey that changed my life and my family’s patterns forever.

 

By 31, I was a step-grandma with a 23 year old boyfriend – that was a crazy time in my life. A “grandma” getting asked for proof of age at the bars, I was desperately trying to learn how to stop being an abusive parent while my 8 year old was naturally resisting change by fighting me at every step and acting out terribly. I was still in the early stages of my healing and had not yet remembered the extremes of the abuse, trauma and torture I suffered growing up, nor realized the all-encompassing results of it.

 

At 32, I discovered I was multiple, with Dissociated Identities created by my very human Dissociative Survival Response to cope with unbearable chronic trauma and abuse. A huge shock that explained much about me and my life – suddenly everything made sense except the truth of what had happened to me! I didn’t want to believe what I was remembering. It was too awful, it turned my world inside out and upside down. I wished I was crazy, that I had made it all up, but no, it truly was whole new levels of reality for my entire life. And thus my inner life began to come into focus – an amazing, complete world with alters, and an entire landscape of structures, places and objects!

 

After that, life increasingly narrowed to parenting and the harrowing task of healing. My old health challenges began reappearing, disabling me worse than when I was a child, forcing me to remember and start acknowledging the origins of my ailments – the extreme abuse, trauma and torture I had endured! For the next decade, I focused intently on learning new ways, stopping old unhealthy habits and choices, developing healthy ones, breaking dissociative memory barriers, establishing connection with my whole fragmented self, deciphering my past and its effects on my present so I could move on to a better future, and literally re-wiring my brain in the process!

 

I had always volunteered, but during my early healing years it was how I kept myself sane and connected to positive people outside my memory-related daily life realities. I helped out with community theatre productions. I facilitated an after-school pre-teen drug and alcohol awareness and prevention program for 2 years and assisted in training new group leaders. I created programs, press passes, and such for a local world-renowned film festival, earning credits to take filmography master classes, including screen-writing, producing and directing. I was chosen as a Story Telling Delegate for a provincial Arts Festival, where I learned that my Story Telling is of the healing medicine variety, not the kind I can plan ahead. (Like so much else in my life, my best option was to Go with the Flow!)

 

In my late 30’s I began creating my own healing ceremonies, tailored to my personal beliefs and needs. I was driven to do them, the words, actions and planning surfacing from my alters and higher self. They were time-consuming to develop – lengthy, complex and detailed, focused on releasing and calling forth patterns and habits, uniting alters in purpose and wholeness, and dedicating my entire self as a “Vessel of the Flow”. Requiring all alters to pay attention to the same thing at the same time, creating and doing these ceremonies drew forth and shaped strong intention for all of me/us and my/our future, pulling us together inside and out.

 

In my early 40’s, I began attending church for the first time in my life. I immediately felt included and became involved with the “create your reality with your thoughts” form of spirituality community. For 4 years, I did the church’s PR/advertising and often served as minister’s assistant and meditation leader. I also created and edited a self-supporting 8 pg quarterly newsletter and spent 3 years on the Board of Directors.

 

Since my early 40’s, I’ve had lots of new and interesting experiences. One of these days I’ll share some details about them…

Now in my mid 50’s, I can only say that my life continues to evolve as it flows along in it’s ever-changing way. Lots more stories and adventures to add to this list, but finding the time is another matter entirely! Ahhh, one day, one day…

 

 

The “Nasty Secrets” Part

Excerpt from my article Patterns in Mind-Control: A First Person Account, originally published in Ritual Abuse in the Twenty-First Century: Psychological, Forensic, Social and Political Considerations (2008)

 “I was raised as a demonstration model for mind-control techniques designed to provide the latest, most marketable form of human slavery of the time.  I do not know the identity of the group who “programmed” me but it clearly had a political agenda.  From my birth in 1960, I was subjected to daily trainings and exploitations designed to create dissociated identities or alternate personalities (referred to as “alters”) that could be programmed according to the needs of the buyer(s). This programming was instilled through the use of mind-control techniques, including ritual abuse-torture, built layer upon layer to form specific patterns of behavior within an alter, resulting in alters that were meant to be perfectly controllable “slaves.”
 
As a demonstration model, I was trained to exhibit a multitude of personality profiles, any of which could be individually defined and selected for purchase and creation in others. The conflicting programs involved caused an increased need for adjustments and fine-tuning, with program deterioration and eventual breakdown inevitable, at which point I was outcast and discarded (essentially a “built-in expiry date.”)
 
My alters were trained for a variety of uses.  I was rented as a child sex slave for individual pedophiles and cults, as well as pedophile rings, orgies, rituals, child pornography and snuff films. Other uses included writing the abusers’ words, preaching their agendas, recruiting others, training other young children, triggering others to action, recording, reporting, stealing, spying, drug and arms trafficking, and other common criminal activities.
 
After an intensive seventeen year healing journey, I’ve now come to recognize consistent patterns in the intricately planned and orchestrated trainings forced upon me, in the feelings, behaviors, thoughts and beliefs I was left with, and in those I see in others and throughout society. To explain these patterns, here is my true story of the “color-coded training” I received as a demonstration model during the years 1960 through 1979 in a mid-sized Canadian coastal community reputed to be a nice, quiet, clean, respectable, even conservative place to grow up.”  Read more …  
 
Copyright © 2007 by Trish Fotheringham All Rights Reserved.